YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

When we met you were just a kid and now you are a young man getting ready for the next academic and social step of your life, college. I hadn't seen you in years but inbetween the time I saw you last and when I recently saw you, I made sure I did what I could as your big bro and mentor to make sure that I could have a positive impact on you and your life so when when we saw each again, it would feel like we were never apart. I didn't want to let your parents down by not doing my best, not calling to check up or check in, or not using my knowledge and experience to add to your growth. I Love and respect Moma and Papa Bear as I call them and I'm happy that you have the support system I never had from my own family when pursing my dreams. Instead of being jealous like most, I chose to be accountable and supportive and learning from you and your support system has given me the confidence I'll need when I have children and they need me to support instead of being cold, being ignorant, and being selfish. I hope you know more so now how much I adore you, your parents adore you, and that you have people who you can count on and counter count on when the serpents of the world show their evil to you up close. I wish you could have stayed longer when you were here but you have your path to master and so do I still. It'll give us more to talk about and keep the chemistry right.

Good Luck!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

Today you would have turned 70 but instead we have to celebrate your second year in a better place. That's cool with me and I'm not disappointed even though I wish I could have you here physically, the bond we shared before you left is something I'd never trade in. Thank you for supporting the jump start of my book(s), for my first car, my first SUV, and most importantly, thanks for remembering my birthday just as I remembered yours. I know that everytime the clock reads 9:18, when I look at a score and the score reads 9 - 18, and I even bought lunch one day and my meal with tax cost $9.18, I know it's you. I know that my birthday was and still is a highlight in your life just as having you around was and still is a highlight of mine. All baby boys should experience the kind of connection we had over the years with their Dads but I'll always be okay with being one of the few. I could go on and on but I won't so I miss you, I Love you, and as long as the path I walk remains protected by the Love of your umbrella, I'll always walk it proudly no matter what.

Reminds me of why I wrote I Will See You Later

EYE SURGERY

Over the past two weeks I've gone through the process of having corrective eye surgery and what a ride it's been. I've worn glasses since age 4 and contacts since age 14 and both were getting on my nerves because as I got older, my prescription worsened. I vowed that when I turned 30 and if I did the research and had the finances to do so, I would get my eyes corrected. My brother Adam had the popular procedure Lasik at the Lasik Plus Center in Chicago and has no complains whatsoever. He kept pressing and encouraging me to pursue it so I did and learned that my eyes don't qualify for Lasik. I was prepared for that given that my brother didn't inherit the same poor eyesight I did and what's kept us connected and fresh is how parallel yet unique our lives have always been. Not to mention he's a lefty and I'm right-handed. So after getting the news from Lasik that I didn't qualify, I went to a renown Dr. and learned that my style of eye along with my poor vision qualified me for the procedure known as Visian ICL - (Implantable Collamer Lens). Movie projectors have a chip that when light hits it now, you get either the 720i or 1080i clear picture. In a nut shell that is what I had done to my eyes. Now what's in my eye isn't a chip but a specially designed contact lens made of 40% water and the body doesn't treat it as foreign.

I had my right eye done 2 weeks ago and the next day read 20/20 and my left eye done yesterday and during this morning's follow up I read 20/15. I hope they don't fall out because of all the crying I've done. So far the best investment I've made in my life. I took pictures of my glasses and my contacts for the last time because it's over and the divorce is final.

I wrote a piece called Eyes Like Mine and it talks about what I've seen with my eyes from a perceptual viewpoint instead of concentrating on what's obviously in front of me.

There it is!! March 6, 2008 - a championship moment in my life...

EGO-MANIA

I’m going to break down these kinds of people so hopefully when the right person(s) reads this it’ll really help out. There are many of guys and girls out there don’t live from there Heart who are playing this mind game to sucker people into their life with fake charm then once they get what they want, they show you who and what they really are: Cowards, insecure, immature, weak, damaged, and followers. These people down play all things that they do not know or know how to do, they whine when you call them out, and they blame others when they make mistakes as well as blame you when they get caught. If you are a good person and a sweet person then these idiots will use the nerve to tell you that you are too sweet, too nice, and too Loving and why? Because these people live to try and reduce you down to their 3rd grade emotional level. If you are attractive then these people believe that you should stay in doors and not be seen by others because of course others will find you attractive and little ego people can’t handle stuff such as truth or facts. They live to be totally delusion, their imaginations run wild with exaggeration when they need to control or manipulate you into believing they are right and you are always wrong. They trust and love NO ONE (not even themselves) so instead of nurturing and fertilizing the people around them, they try to belittle, discourage, and control those around them with false accusations and extreme drama. Anything you share with these people (Ex: childhood stories, mistakes, ex bfs or gfs, etc…) will be used against you down the road for the next time you call them out for doing wrong in the present. They thrive off throwing the past in others faces and if they were popular 15yrs ago in hs then prepare to here about hs over and over again because it was bigger than watching the movie 300.

These people have little to no real friends or family because people can’t stand to be around them for more than an hour per every 2 months. They aren’t really funny because their jokes come from TV or a repeat of what you said a week ago. If you are an attractive good male, be prepared to be accused of be that way for some other girl even you don’t know but she made this imaginary girl up to make you feel bad or inappropriate for being rather fly to more than just her. If you are an attractive female, be prepared to be told you are fat (Doesn’t matter if you are Shakira’s twin sister and a clone LOL!!!). On behalf of these so called people I wrote a piece titled Consumption

CONNECTION

I'm hoping that someone will feel me on this one. Remember being a kid and not knowing anyone the first day of school and "out of nowhere" the person that you'd spent the next 10 to 25 years growing up with meets eyes with you. Right now I could be talking about someone you just got off the phone with, went out with, cried with, and experienced life with. Whether it's a friend, a spouse, or even a sibling, we all have a wonderful "connection to someone" story to tell. It could have lasted one concert or continuing as I'm writing and you are reading but the beauty is that it's real especially to those who in tune to such a rare sensation. In an attempt to artistically capture that strong sensation I wrote Past Spirit / Future Friend to describe in words what such a bond with people feels like to those who understand and to those who are inexperienced, what it can feel like. This is one of my best pieces...

Click http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=441817 to read Past Spirit/Future Friend

MY BROTHER'S COMIN 2 PHX!

This is the first time both since I moved to Chandler, AZ that my older brother will be paying a visit. For a couple years we had talked about him coming out but he started a family and that put things on hold. When we were kids in Chicago, my brother was a huge Lakers fan and I was a huge Bulls fan (basketball of course). Sure enuff he won a lot of bragging rights in the 1980's but after they were defeated by my Bulls, he turned to his second team of David Robinson and the Spurs and mine was the Suns. Tonight the Suns and Spurs play and let the rivarly return in full force now that we are adults. Just like the Pistons did to the Bulls in the 1990's, the Spurs have done the same to my Suns but they will fall tonight!

I'm glad he's coming (even though his 1st born and my nephew and my sis-in-law couldn't make it) and I know the Love will be at the airport and after that, it's WAR!!! I purchased tix for the game in November and couldn't wait for this day to come. I miss my bro and I wish we could hang out more but I know I have to maximixe the time we'll have together so that it's memorable and long-lasting. Because he has a family now, we can't talk as much so when we do, it's awesome. I can't wait to show him the home I've found here in AZ and jut show him around so he can learn that there a water supply here in the valley.

My other brother and his family should be here on a later flight so I look forward to seeing them also. Having the time off to spend time with family and friends for some this week's festivities will be time well spent.

OPPOSITION

Took much time and few people to help me find,
Took more time and many people to make you lose.

Know that you can’t trace exactly what it is that keeps you down,
To search for where those difficult feelings lie is something you wouldn’t choose.

You asked to be sent a gifted child to help you better your life,
In return He sent you me...

Possessing everything you would ever want in someone special,
None of which you ever believed you could be...

So I tried to guide you on a path that leads to eternal peace,
A path that you’re not so sure you can walk...

Still crawling, too much surround sound of personal pressure,
Unable to talk...

Try to love you in ways that words can’t express,
Ways so secure that it comes with positive benefits...

I am then introduced to the love from you and your world,
One that has a variety of hidden rules and many unexplainable limits...

See in the world where I come from,
Everyone is treated as human beings and equals...

No one controls another or treats them like property,
Never intentionally trying to make past generation sequels...

In your world, because you were not given the kind of love you felt you deserve,
You would receive it from someone who had a lot to give...

Disregarding the fact that that person may need too,
While slowly trying to take away everything that made that person’s life easy to live...

Click here and it's the 7th page for the 2nd part of this excerpt

http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=441817