SO IF MEN ARE DOGGS...

Then what does that make all the women who chase after them? Dog catchers maybe...? Or simply mutts themselves and need an alpha male/dogg to protect them from being naive about their surroundings. So called women seem to still think they can change a boy into a man or a puppy into a man but aren't willing or able to change themselves. This don't let goofy dudes off the hook either since y'all prey only on the weak and ignorant to prove just how coward you really are. Women aren't better than men emotionally and men aren't better than women physically (I'm speaking from the stereotypical) and being together should not be this competition of who can hurt the other the worst. It comes down to coward and ignorance as opposed to courage and intelligence. Coward is what so called women are really chasing after and what so called men seek also. Instead of doing what is necessary to work towards bettering your own flaws and weaknesses, you chase someone to do it for you but hate him/her for having what you lack. Two 1/2 people do not make a full and complete union and it's emotionally criminal to not make yourself into the best possible whole person with hard work and self education.

Fat women that may wanna sexy and fit man, short people want someone tall, shy people wanna someone to talk to them, boring and depressed people want someone who's funny. So what does the sexy, tall, talkative, and funny people get out of the deal? Nothing of substance... I still laugh that dudes are still afraid to tell an attractive and tasteful looking female that she has it goin on for fear of rejection. Excuses excuses of a coward and the same goes for girls too. Then I have to hope that the attractive woman (or man) isn't out hoping that someone will notice them either simply b/c he/she is blessed physically. What a cycle and it's on-going too...

So if men are doggs and women are stupid and weak then aren't both a walking, living, and breathing examples of the true essence of a coward? Of what NOT to be and what we want our kids to NOT "wannabe"? We can all share a legacy of rising above pety instead of falling into the acts of a coward...

IMPACT

Wow!! I looked up and April came and went. Anyway I had one the most awesome and humblings experience happen to me that made anything I went through in April just evaporate. I had someone I met in college 10 years ago find me on my on line bookstore and shot me an e-mail to see if I remember who she was. At first I wondered who this person was and why now but it all came back to me. I've always believed that I have some kind of purpose to serve that was greater than getting A's and B's but more of a personal and human obligation to impact people's lives somehow because I didn't see it practiced too often. Well this particular acquaintance had just broke up with her boyfriend (my college buddy's roommate) at a party and instead of her dealing by herself, I offered my ears and a shoulder (may sound cheezy but the world lacks gentlemen away so oh well...) We spent the whole night talking and then a few hours on the phone when I went back to Chicago. I hadn't hear from her since.

I didn't know that a small amount of time spent with someone I hardly knew would have such a huge impact that lasted so long. I was 20 years old at the time and I felt confident in knowing when to be there when it counts instead of going in for the kill like most could have done in a vulnerable state. We've spoken on the phone recently like the 10 year gap never happened and I am overwhelmed, moved, and very touched that someone would be so gracious and unselfish. Also, to know that having an impact on a person's life is just as significant as the impact person feels so good and doubts I may have had about my abilities then are erased now just as any doubts that there are no more good guys out there were erased then. I just believed in my Heart that she was sweet, caring, and Loving and ten years later, I was right. I can't script this or come close to writing about this. Simply beautiful and I wish people could experience what it feels like to truly have an impact on an other's life and if not then I'll continue trying...

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

When we met you were just a kid and now you are a young man getting ready for the next academic and social step of your life, college. I hadn't seen you in years but inbetween the time I saw you last and when I recently saw you, I made sure I did what I could as your big bro and mentor to make sure that I could have a positive impact on you and your life so when when we saw each again, it would feel like we were never apart. I didn't want to let your parents down by not doing my best, not calling to check up or check in, or not using my knowledge and experience to add to your growth. I Love and respect Moma and Papa Bear as I call them and I'm happy that you have the support system I never had from my own family when pursing my dreams. Instead of being jealous like most, I chose to be accountable and supportive and learning from you and your support system has given me the confidence I'll need when I have children and they need me to support instead of being cold, being ignorant, and being selfish. I hope you know more so now how much I adore you, your parents adore you, and that you have people who you can count on and counter count on when the serpents of the world show their evil to you up close. I wish you could have stayed longer when you were here but you have your path to master and so do I still. It'll give us more to talk about and keep the chemistry right.

Good Luck!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

Today you would have turned 70 but instead we have to celebrate your second year in a better place. That's cool with me and I'm not disappointed even though I wish I could have you here physically, the bond we shared before you left is something I'd never trade in. Thank you for supporting the jump start of my book(s), for my first car, my first SUV, and most importantly, thanks for remembering my birthday just as I remembered yours. I know that everytime the clock reads 9:18, when I look at a score and the score reads 9 - 18, and I even bought lunch one day and my meal with tax cost $9.18, I know it's you. I know that my birthday was and still is a highlight in your life just as having you around was and still is a highlight of mine. All baby boys should experience the kind of connection we had over the years with their Dads but I'll always be okay with being one of the few. I could go on and on but I won't so I miss you, I Love you, and as long as the path I walk remains protected by the Love of your umbrella, I'll always walk it proudly no matter what.

Reminds me of why I wrote I Will See You Later

EYE SURGERY

Over the past two weeks I've gone through the process of having corrective eye surgery and what a ride it's been. I've worn glasses since age 4 and contacts since age 14 and both were getting on my nerves because as I got older, my prescription worsened. I vowed that when I turned 30 and if I did the research and had the finances to do so, I would get my eyes corrected. My brother Adam had the popular procedure Lasik at the Lasik Plus Center in Chicago and has no complains whatsoever. He kept pressing and encouraging me to pursue it so I did and learned that my eyes don't qualify for Lasik. I was prepared for that given that my brother didn't inherit the same poor eyesight I did and what's kept us connected and fresh is how parallel yet unique our lives have always been. Not to mention he's a lefty and I'm right-handed. So after getting the news from Lasik that I didn't qualify, I went to a renown Dr. and learned that my style of eye along with my poor vision qualified me for the procedure known as Visian ICL - (Implantable Collamer Lens). Movie projectors have a chip that when light hits it now, you get either the 720i or 1080i clear picture. In a nut shell that is what I had done to my eyes. Now what's in my eye isn't a chip but a specially designed contact lens made of 40% water and the body doesn't treat it as foreign.

I had my right eye done 2 weeks ago and the next day read 20/20 and my left eye done yesterday and during this morning's follow up I read 20/15. I hope they don't fall out because of all the crying I've done. So far the best investment I've made in my life. I took pictures of my glasses and my contacts for the last time because it's over and the divorce is final.

I wrote a piece called Eyes Like Mine and it talks about what I've seen with my eyes from a perceptual viewpoint instead of concentrating on what's obviously in front of me.

There it is!! March 6, 2008 - a championship moment in my life...

EGO-MANIA

I’m going to break down these kinds of people so hopefully when the right person(s) reads this it’ll really help out. There are many of guys and girls out there don’t live from there Heart who are playing this mind game to sucker people into their life with fake charm then once they get what they want, they show you who and what they really are: Cowards, insecure, immature, weak, damaged, and followers. These people down play all things that they do not know or know how to do, they whine when you call them out, and they blame others when they make mistakes as well as blame you when they get caught. If you are a good person and a sweet person then these idiots will use the nerve to tell you that you are too sweet, too nice, and too Loving and why? Because these people live to try and reduce you down to their 3rd grade emotional level. If you are attractive then these people believe that you should stay in doors and not be seen by others because of course others will find you attractive and little ego people can’t handle stuff such as truth or facts. They live to be totally delusion, their imaginations run wild with exaggeration when they need to control or manipulate you into believing they are right and you are always wrong. They trust and love NO ONE (not even themselves) so instead of nurturing and fertilizing the people around them, they try to belittle, discourage, and control those around them with false accusations and extreme drama. Anything you share with these people (Ex: childhood stories, mistakes, ex bfs or gfs, etc…) will be used against you down the road for the next time you call them out for doing wrong in the present. They thrive off throwing the past in others faces and if they were popular 15yrs ago in hs then prepare to here about hs over and over again because it was bigger than watching the movie 300.

These people have little to no real friends or family because people can’t stand to be around them for more than an hour per every 2 months. They aren’t really funny because their jokes come from TV or a repeat of what you said a week ago. If you are an attractive good male, be prepared to be accused of be that way for some other girl even you don’t know but she made this imaginary girl up to make you feel bad or inappropriate for being rather fly to more than just her. If you are an attractive female, be prepared to be told you are fat (Doesn’t matter if you are Shakira’s twin sister and a clone LOL!!!). On behalf of these so called people I wrote a piece titled Consumption

CONNECTION

I'm hoping that someone will feel me on this one. Remember being a kid and not knowing anyone the first day of school and "out of nowhere" the person that you'd spent the next 10 to 25 years growing up with meets eyes with you. Right now I could be talking about someone you just got off the phone with, went out with, cried with, and experienced life with. Whether it's a friend, a spouse, or even a sibling, we all have a wonderful "connection to someone" story to tell. It could have lasted one concert or continuing as I'm writing and you are reading but the beauty is that it's real especially to those who in tune to such a rare sensation. In an attempt to artistically capture that strong sensation I wrote Past Spirit / Future Friend to describe in words what such a bond with people feels like to those who understand and to those who are inexperienced, what it can feel like. This is one of my best pieces...

Click http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=441817 to read Past Spirit/Future Friend